zak@dudley:~$ ./hire-me.sh

Zak Morris

@zakmorris · BTEC Distinction holder, GPU hoarder, professional Greggs consumer. I ship things from a rented unit in Dudley with four RTX 6000s and a worrying coffee tolerance.

Certified At Risk™Distinction (D)4x RTX 6000Bus lane fine pending

Talk to the machine

It's a real-ish shell. Type a command or smash a button. help is your friend.

zak@dudley-rig: ~

zakOS 0.7.331 (kernel: meningitis-survivor) tty1

Last login: never, I don't sleep

Type `help` for commands. Type `sudo make me a coffee` if desperate.

try:

The 73.31% incident

Status: At Risk

OFFICIAL

0.00%

attendance · entire BTEC

...and still walked out with a Distinction. The college is still recovering.

Sausage Roll Fuel Gauge

OPERATIONAL

987kcal

3 rolls · flaky pastry index: high

@ 329 kcal each

The Simpson Yellow Era

Survived viral meningitis in the ICU and briefly turned the exact shade of a Simpson. Came back online. Patch notes: more resilient, slightly more yellow on cold days. Would not recommend the experience. 0/10, would not reinstall.

The Dudley rig

nvidia-smi · the Dudley rig

GPT-OSS-120B · loaded

4x RTX 6000 · rented industrial unit, Dudley/Birmingham · runs hot, stays local

RTX-6000:0

90%78°C

RTX-6000:1

84%69°C

RTX-6000:2

86%76°C

RTX-6000:3

95%71°C

power draw: yes · electricity bill: don't ask · cloud bill: £0

Things I've shipped

Tutorial Rocks

10,000 users

Tutorials that don't waste your time. Built it, shipped it, 10k people showed up. The name does a lot of heavy lifting.

tutorial.rocks

ZSM Digital

agency, no fluff

Design and build work, minus the slide decks full of words like 'synergy'. Graphic design, sites, and things that actually load.

zsm.digital

Strong opinions, loosely tested

node:test

The Node.js native test runner. Zero config, zero ceremony, zero Jest. If your test suite needs its own framework with its own ecosystem, maybe the tests are the problem.

//#region everywhere

Code folding is a lifestyle. Every file collapses into a tidy table of contents. Don't @ me about it, the regions are load-bearing.

.cx domains

Big fan of .cx for the fate-sharing energy. If we're all on the same TLD, we go down together. Solidarity, but DNS.

Fuel & hobbies

Greggs sausage rollsprimary energy source

Coffeeload-bearing beverage

Bubble waffle sundaesemotional support dessert

Gaming / Discordoff-hours, allegedly

Graphic designmakes things look not-terrible

Birmingham bus lanesinvoluntary patron

Find me / fund my Greggs habit

Got a project, a spare RTX 6000, or just want to argue about test runners? The machine is usually on.

tutorial.rocks zsm.digital@zakmorris

built in a unit in Dudley · still 73.31% present · no buses were harmed